My first day

i feel like a freshman all over again.

nope i'm not trying to sound young. it's just that i'm pursuing a different specialization from my friends. now i understand how it feels to be lost and worried that i won't be able to find friends.

and this module is tough! not only are the readings disgustingly long and abundant, but we already have to determine the topics for our term paper by NEXT WEEK. that's gross.

still, i think this would be a useful module for me because i plan to go overseas. so it's always good to have an idea of what press systems in other countries are like.

plus, I DON'T HAVE A HALL. that sucks. big time! how true it is that you'll only cherish what is gone.

i'm thankful though, that i still have my loving bf and friends to make me look forward to coming to school.

yup i'm still anticipating what this semester will bring. i hope my friends are enjoying themselves too, and that they will do even better this semester!

reflections

i love my holidays!

let's see...

i went to Eastern Europe for 2 weeks, visiting places like Germany, Austria, Poland and Czech Republic. the countries were so beautiful that Singapore looks so plain and boring. but i was still really thankful to be back home. there are too many people and things i love in Singapore. nothing beats home. really. (i'm in the National Day mode already)

then i went to Tioman with Js and his (female)friends' boyfriends. yup it was a weird combination and i still feel a bit out-of-place among them but i can't deny that they're really sweet and helpful people. snorkeling was so fun! the fish were so pretty and it was hilarious seeing Js trying to pose underwater for the camera. i wouldn't mind going back to places like these in the future. but this time, i wanna try diving!

what else about my hols that i love?

well there's my work. there's a lot of stress in my workplace and i even cried once because i couldn't cope with the pressure, but i have to admit that i learned a lot about dealing with stress, relating with people and managing my time. i still need to improve on these areas, but this job has really let me experience first hand what it feels like to hold yourself together in the worst scenarios.

my holidays has been a fruitful one, in which i spent a lot of quality time with Js and also managed to visit my grandparents more.

now that school is starting, i'm excited, and i really look forward to getting to know myself better and learn more useful skills in the coming semester.

and i can't wait to see my CS friends!

though the thought of having to pore over readings again does seem dreadful... haha.

okies going to sleep soon. still coughing.

hee

When you're gone...

i'm listening to this song by avril levighn now. it's called 'when you're gone'. i've never been a fan of hers, but this song is so apt to what has been going through my mind nowadays.

nope i'm not experiencing the pain of my loved ones leaving me. my loved ones are all healthy and still in my life. thank God.

rather it's my friend's friend who has passed away due to brain cancer and the death of a freshman's father. i met the freshman through Alpha.

i cannot imagine their pain, nor do i wish to do so. though i know it's inevitable that i'll have to deal with the deaths of some of my loved ones one way or another in the future, i'll prefer to believe that they'll always be with me.

one thing that struck me about death is the suddenness of it, like a slap on the face. i think that's the worst thing about death, other than the heartache it brings. you didn't expect it to come so soon. that's what make some deaths so cruel.

my uncle works as a doctor. and he hardly ever loses his cool at things that most people would get flustered about or flare up at. for example, he hardly ever scolds his children when they throw tantrums.

my mum says that it is because he has looked at enough sufferings and deaths of his patients and their loved ones to understand that there are things more important that are worth losing his cool over.

i wanna learn that, to focus my energy and time on things that really matter. but i also believe that it requires time, effort and help to truly achieve that state.

busy bee

i'm going to get really busy soon, with ALPHA, camp, work and outings with friends who i miss and can't wait to catch up with. so this week will be the last week i can still afford to relax a little.

then it'll be off to Eastern Europe! can't wait to get out of Singapore! not that i don't like to be with the people here but i think a break away from routine life is always good for the soul and mind.

in the busy weeks to come, i really hope to learn something and grow in areas like:
- time management
- inter-personal relationships
- patience (yup i realise i flare up quite easily these days. it's making me look bad in front of my friends. haha)

i love my hols!~

tears and sugar peanuts

i've been crying a lot lately, which is kind of weird because i have no reason to cry. and i know this has been baffling for poor Js who has no idea what to do every time my eyes start leaking. sorry dear but i really don't know the reason for being a human tap as well.

maybe it's because we won't be spending so much time together again. you'll be busy, i'll be busy. we won't have that much time for each other as before. see that's the problem with seeing your bf everyday. you can't get used to the fact that you won't be seeing each other everyday anymore.

but i'm feeling much better today! though i cried again but it's not so serious. come to think of it it may because of my imbalanced hormones (darn them), or perhaps the lack of sleep. i've forgotten the bliss of having a refreshing afternoon nap. it can really do wonders.

and i've gone back to another love of mine - sugar peanuts! they are my best friends during the exam period. haha! just kidding, unless you like crunching on your best friends...

so what happened to my resolution to lead a healthy lifestyle? well it remains as a resolution - just talk and no action... YET.

i hope my friends are enjoying their holidays! i'm enjoying myself, minus the tears and the health issues that my love for sugar peanuts can bring... haha!

oh and if you feel like cycling do ask me along. it's time i stop shrieking every time i see another passer-by or cyclist in my path...

It always hurts

it always hurts when your expectations are not met.

it always hurts when you know you can never depend on one person fully.

it always hurts when you know it's impossible for anyone to know yourself completely.

it always hurts when you know that you can't have your cake and eat it all the time.

it always hurts when you have to take the first step.

it always hurts when you have to grow up.

it's time for me to grow up, because i am not as mature as i thought i was.

somehow i feel better typing this out, because it is a first step, as tiny as it may be.

a faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. my Daddy taught me that.

=)

It's over!

finally. the day i've been waiting for.

THE EXAMS ARE OVER. HEE HEE HA HA HO HO HAH!

it has never felt so good saying this. well done everyone!

Exam Celebration Day has been fun!

though we went to this sucky Italian restarant for dinner, the eski bar almost made up for it. it's so cool (literally and figuratively). and i've always liked drinking, though i'm a terrible drinker. but still, it's kinda fun getting a bit tipsy and talking nonsense, though i wouldn't like to be like that all the time.

this sem has been an emotional roller coastal ride for me. it was tough academically, bringing me a lot of stress and worries. but i'm thankful for it because it has brought my group of friends closer together. we are a rojak group of amigoes, with different personalities and interests. yet we manage to bond and go through the tough times together, supporting each other all the while.

now that one chapter of my life is over, it's time to start a healthier and more active lifestyle! i hereby pledge that once every week, i will:

1. go jogging at the Bedok stadium near my home. if i have to fight with my mum for the running shoes i would.
2. go to the gym with Js. both us need to lose some weight. gone are the days of gorging on junk food and crunching on sugar peanuts and pocky strawberry biscuit sticks.. =(
3. go shopping for at least 3 hours. hey if i'm gonna be more active i might as well do something i like. besides, i still have those Heeren vouchers...
4. read up on my TIME magazines and newspapers. i've been out of the touch with the world for too long.
5. spend at least an hour reading books about Him. it's a small step but at least it's something.

oh ya, and i need to hone my cycling skills, no matter how terrible they are. night cycling is coming!

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